With the absence of clearly defined, pre-determined punishments we are in full agreement on the 2nd paragraph.It should've zero bearing on the way it is treated, but it doesn't. The stereotype is men are evil and predators and woman are weak and taken advantage of. Somewhere in their subconscious many people have already decided who is guilty and what they are and how they should be punished the case because it is a male coach and a female wrestler. You are the only one (beside me) saying that we need more facts before calling someone a sexual predator and he is totally guilty.
I agree that the nuances do matter. Who initiated. What the past history of the people involved is. What the effects of the relationship were on the environment in the room. Those are all things that should go into the punishment decision and whether he is a moron or a sexual predator and whether she is a victim or a manipulative @#$^%$.
As far as the 1st paragraph goes, there are definitely areas where I see your stance. I just don't want to go there for that part.