ADVERTISEMENT

WaPo - Meet the Parents Who Refuse to Give their Kids Smartphones

My kids don't have them either. One is too young and the other will lose her head if it weren't attached. Until I see a certain level of responsibility they won't be getting phones. I see enough kids failing school solely because of those things and right now there is no way I can keep my kids from doing the same. Not to mention the damage to mental health. In a completely unscientific view, I'm guessing 90% of all the anxiety issues kids are having in school are because of those things. It's not a coincidence that the smart phone was invented in 2008 and child anxiety in schools has been skyrocketing since 2008.

mental%20health%20trends_0.PNG
 
I dunno... we didn’t get our kids phones as early as some do, but at some point you have to acknowledge that everybody has a phone and trying to “protect” them from technology and social media isn’t really helpful in the long run. My kids are on their phones all the time, but somehow they still seem to get great grades and test scores and hold jobs and play sports, etc etc.

Would we prefer not to have to deal with monitoring phone usage and social media and the expense? Sure, but that’s not realistic.
 
I dunno... we didn’t get our kids phones as early as some do, but at some point you have to acknowledge that everybody has a phone and trying to “protect” them from technology and social media isn’t really helpful in the long run. My kids are on their phones all the time, but somehow they still seem to get great grades and test scores and hold jobs and play sports, etc etc.

Would we prefer not to have to deal with monitoring phone usage and social media and the expense? Sure, but that’s not realistic.

This is sort of how we look at it. It's not going away, so is it better to try to use it to teach self-control and organization or to try to shield them from it and deal with whatever fallout occurs from them not being connected in a very digital world?

There are definitely times I want the phone to just be gone due to my own frustrations, but it’s also pretty cool to be able to cut through the typical teen/pre-teen communication barrier and get to them on a platform that is engaging for them.
 
My kids don't have them either. One is too young and the other will lose her head if it weren't attached. Until I see a certain level of responsibility they won't be getting phones. I see enough kids failing school solely because of those things and right now there is no way I can keep my kids from doing the same. Not to mention the damage to mental health. In a completely unscientific view, I'm guessing 90% of all the anxiety issues kids are having in school are because of those things. It's not a coincidence that the smart phone was invented in 2008 and child anxiety in schools has been skyrocketing since 2008.

mental%20health%20trends_0.PNG
I bet Teacher/Student sex follows that same trend
 
I bet Teacher/Student sex follows that same trend
Well, they certainly use it and it has made it a lot easier to catch, but teachers have been banging students ever since they decided to put kids in schools.
 
I use my phone alot. Mostly reading this damn forum, articles, GPS, looking up shit, and texting.

We held out giving our son one until he was 14. I agree it can be addictive but it feels necessary. If we need to get ahold of him we can't call a phone booth. A quick text or call does that. He also likes to listen to music and this gives him that outlet.

We put life 360 and qustodio on his phone to monitor use and driving. He knows they are there and while not happy he has no choice if he wants to have a phone.
 
My kindergartner has really funny takes on current events and I always wish I could text her to get her thoughts… I actually think she might be able to handle a phone better than most adults

My preschooler on the other hand could not be trusted with a tin can phone.

Not sure when it will be, but they won’t be first or anywhere near last amongst their peers. It seems like BS to me to withhold it when they’re surrounded by people staring at the things and they can be used for all sorts of valuable things… I mean, have you all tried Wordle? It’s amazing
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gimmered
We’ve done ours early in middle school if they show they can be responsible. It’s been fine so far. Oldest graduates this year and has done well balancing grades, baseball and music. My middle is a freshman and also doing well. The youngest will be the last to get one next year.
 
Come back when they get their phones... I will take the under before high school bet.
They have lame phones that can call and text but not get on the internet. A little “hardship” builds character.

Im not judging anyone else but there is pretty strong and growing body of work that social media apps are a very big problem for teenager development, especially for girls. I have no issue telling my kids “no”.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ClarindaA's
They have lame phones that can call and text but not get on the internet. A little “hardship” builds character.

Im not judging anyone else but there is pretty strong and growing body of work that social media apps are a very big problem for teenager development, especially for girls. I have no issue telling my kids “no”.
Bravo to you and you wife. I mean that sincerely.
 
They have lame phones that can call and text but not get on the internet. A little “hardship” builds character.

Im not judging anyone else but there is pretty strong and growing body of work that social media apps are a very big problem for teenager development, especially for girls. I have no issue telling my kids “no”.
This is the direction I think I am going to go. There is a practical reason for kids needing a phone by junior high. When I was that age there were pay phones everywhere. That isn't the case now.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Big Hawk D-Port
I hope we hold out as long as possible. I really wish I’d never given my 9 year old an iPad. All he does on it is play Roblox with friends, but I hate that he spends his downtime that way instead of playing outside or exploring something new.
 
My kids all got the cheapest smart phone I could find when they went off to middle school. My youngest will get hers next year. We started at this age because my oldest had to walk a good distance home everyday after school and life 360 meant I could watch where he was every step of the way. It is worth them having a phone for life 360 alone, IMO. I can reach them whenever I need to.

With that said. It is crazy how many elementary aged kids have a smart phone. That seems highly unnecessary, but who am I to judge?
 
Last edited:
My kids are 8, 7, and 6 . . . they don't have a phone period.

I don't know about smart phones, it's not something we've discussed although I believe my wife is likely against them having smart phones.

I'm sort of thinking that if they get one it probably won't be til high school. No reason a middle schooler needs that. And elementary schoolers certainly don't. Our kids don't even surf the web.

I'm concerned about what smart phones could lead to with a kid but at the same time I am also concerned that their first experience with it shouldn't be as an adult because at that point they may not have learned to handle it in a safe manner whereas having one while also being monitored by your parents as a teen you can learn those lessons.
 
Cheap phones for middle school. That's about the point where it becomes problematic not to have them.

Teachers start using text alerts, they are in activities where they need to be picked up, and of course its all communications with friends, etc. By middle school, not having a phone is a really significant functional impediment, and I'm not talking about just being a social outcast.

And by that age, I WANTED a constant line of communication to my kids. I mean, how often is a first grader really out of your sight or teacher supervision? I mean, you don't drop a 7 year old off at the movies by themselves.

But by middle school, they're starting to do more things on their own and in groups, and I want to be able to reach them. They need some independence to learn how to function. And I don't know how my folks dealt with situations like planning to pick me up at all mall entrance, and us instead going to the other entrance, and being totally out of contact for an hour until we figured it out. I don't need an hour of my time wasted, especially if that hour would be spent wondering if my kid was in some perv's trunk. I wanted them to be able to call me if they were at a friends house or something and felt like they wanted to leave.

However, before that point, I see no reason to provide one, and only bad consequences. They don't need a phone in elementary school. Hopefully by middle school their brains at least developed some ability to function offline.

That is not to say there aren't really compelling dangers there. Very strong studies have come out linking instagram to low self esteem and mental health issues for teen girls. It's really sad. There's no really simple way to counteract that, but you've got to do your best to build a really strong healthy foundation for your kids.

Maybe if all the things that suck about phones for kids went away as adults, I would be more inclined to just power through all the difficulty of not having a phone to get them out the other side. But none of that goes away as they get older, all the unhealthy image and reinforcement cycles continues to be a big problems for young adults and older. Eventually they're going to have to deal with it, and without the parental support system around.

It's kind of like driving. Is 16 to young to drive a car? Yeah, probably it would be better to have to be 25. But eventually, everyone's going to have to learn how to drive. It's still going to be dangerous then, and meanwhile you're driving a 19 year old around everywhere, or they're at the mercy of however irresponsible their friends are about driving. Some things you just have to bite the bullet hope for the best.
 
my kids (8 and 11) only have ipads and chromebooks

what is the going rate for phone these days?

i've seen a few 4th and 5th graders at our school with them
 
How often do you see kids outside playing games or reading books anymore? Fat, lazy, and stupid is no way to go through life. - Dean Wormer
 
How often do you see kids outside playing games or reading books anymore? Fat, lazy, and stupid is no way to go through life. - Dean Wormer
Um...how often do you see adults doing these things?

How many televisions and streaming services does the average adult have? How overweight is the average Midwestern male?
 
they said that about the internet back in the 90's :)
There is actually evidence to back this up though.

To be fair, it won't ruin everyone, but it is ruining some of them. Maybe those kids would find some other reason to flunk out of school in the 90's, but I doubt it.
 
If any of you parents with young 'uns want to discourage your kids about smartphone use you can borrow my shitty phone. They'll be cured instantly, I guarantee it.
 
The decision to buy a phone for a child should be based on a specific need, not on fashion or a child's whim. Parents need to be sure that the phone in the hands of their daughter or son will not only be a toy or gadget but a device with a specific purpose. It will provide constant contact, a sense of comfort, and strengthen relationships with peers. A smartphone will certainly be useful when your child has a busy schedule, starts coming home from school or goes camping for recreation on their own. Anyway, they say the best time to buy your child's first phone is 10-11 and up. If you want to buy it earlier, you should choose a phone with good privacy. I bought mine for my kids at https://degoogledirect.com. There are a lot of options out there, depending on the budget.
 
Last edited:
The decision to buy a phone for a child should be based on a specific need, not on fashion or a child's whim. Parents need to be sure that the phone in the hands of their daughter or son will not only be a toy or gadget but a device with a specific purpose.
Ok Xi.
 
At my elementary school, 1st graders have apple watches that don't need the iphone to text and call. But then again high school kids in my town (Southlake, Texas) drive bemers, range rovers, ferraris, and lambos so apple watches in 1st grade seem to be a good jumping in point for ridiculous parenting decisions...
 
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT