What does your spouse/significant other think of your mother?

[lucas80]

Odd couple of conversations with some of the ladies at the gym the last few weeks. A lot of them seemed to really dislike their MILs. I listened a bit, asked some questions, but didn't quite get it. So, I pursued a few more conversations and maybe I just wasn't getting the full picture, or maybe the media just portrays the male's perspective too often in tv and films, that the male character's MIL is the disliked one.
One of the ladies in a fitness class was grumbling because her MIL was coming in from the West Coast for 2 weeks, and another one needled her a bit and asked her if she was going to take vacation so she could spend quality time with the MIL? F no, she said. She then said she was probably going to take her to downtown IC for the arts fair on Saturday, give her $20, and dump her off for the day.
So, does your spouse/significant get along with your mother? What is the dynamic like? For the record, I can honestly say my wife and mom had a great relationship.

 

[Whiskeydeltadeltatango]

They are like best friends and it's ****ing annoying.

 

[Hoosierhawkeye]

My wife can tolerate my mom in small doses.

Honestly the people not liking their MIL seems pretty typical of both sexes, it's pretty much trope.

My question is more of why it isn't a trope with the FIL.

 

[cfbfan23]

My mom (no pics) probably likes my wife (no pics) more than me. I honestly don't blame her. My wife like my mom fine.....probably not quite to the same extent. There's more than a 1,000 miles that separates them......which I think is a good thing.

They get along fine.

 

[binsfeldcyhawk2]

The Frau likes her a lot...but anything more than a 2 or 3 day visit things can get dicey.

I'm 56 years old but my Mom still babies me...which irritates the F out of the Frau.

 

[Huey Grey]

Let's just say I'm the third wheel around them.

 

[BelemNole]

My wife is my mom's favorite. They probably talk more often than my mom and I do.

 

[Derekd3408]

My wife and mom get along great, but if you have a tough time getting along with my mom, it's a you problem.

 

[QChawks]

My wife can tolerate my mom in small doses.

this

she can handle spending a few hours a couple times a month with her but she would have zero interest in spending a vacation together

 

[EasyHawk]

My mom (no pics) probably likes my wife (no pics) more than me. I honestly don't blame her. My wife like my mom fine.....probably not quite to the same extent. There's more than a 1,000 miles that separates them......which I think is a good thing.

They get along fine.

I read this as your mom likes your wife more than you do and it threw me for a second.

 

[The Tradition]

Mrs. Tradition was very fond of my mother.

No pics of either of them.

 

[Bonerfarts]

"Tolerates" is the word that comes to mind.

 

[Hendy hawk]

Mom did not treat my wife or mother in-law very well

 

[ThorneStockton]

My wife and mom get along great, but if you have a tough time getting along with my mom, it's a you problem.

I think the only problem some of us have is that she is almost too thorough, can really impede the line on a busy night.

 

[yiana]

Pics of gym skanks?

 

[Hawk_4shur]

My Mom was an ideal MIL in some ways, not in others.

She never came close to overstepping, or giving advice, or being critical of my wife. She was very supportive in every way, except ....

She wasn't much help either. Minimal babysitting or other things a young mother could use from time to time.

On the other hand my MIL was the perfect MIL in almost every way. I couldn't ask for a better MIL.

 

[StormHawk42]

Tolerates is probably the right descriptor. We’re only 40 miles apart which is probably closer than my wife would prefer. We probably see my folks twice a month and I think she’d be fine seeing them twice per year

 

[CJ Beat Hard]

My wife and mom get along great, but if you have a tough time getting along with my mom, it's a you problem.

Ain’t that the truth

 

[EasyHawk]

Somewhere between a cool civility and a simmering hostility. Not really, it has gotten much better (especially since my parents moved to Arizona in 1998 LOL). They have never gotten into it or anything, they are just very different but both quite opinionated. And my no-pic wife is very liberal while my mom became more and more far right over time and likes to talk politics and she brings stuff up that 99% of the time is completely unnecessary and my wife manages to ignore it. Until later, then I listen to her vent.

 

[Derekd3408]

I think the only problem some of us have is that she is almost too thorough, can really impede the line on a busy night.

She's a firm believer in giving 110% on what your currently doing. No shortcuts.

 

[SF HAWKEYE]

I don't think the wife has a lot of love for my mom. My mom is a saint and will do anything for us and our kids so I think it gets under her skin a little how much she does for them while my MIL isn't really in their lives, only comes to visit a couple times a year (lives 2 hours away) while my parents moved here to be close to us and the kids and will watch them or take them overnight or on trips any time we want. They also shower them with gifts and cash which causes issues.

 

[Jan Itor]

Odd couple of conversations with some of the ladies at the gym the last few weeks. A lot of them seemed to really dislike their MILs. I listened a bit, asked some questions, but didn't quite get it. So, I pursued a few more conversations and maybe I just wasn't getting the full picture, or maybe the media just portrays the male's perspective too often in tv and films, that the male character's MIL is the disliked one.
One of the ladies in a fitness class was grumbling because her MIL was coming in from the West Coast for 2 weeks, and another one needled her a bit and asked her if she was going to take vacation so she could spend quality time with the MIL? F no, she said. She then said she was probably going to take her to downtown IC for the arts fair on Saturday, give her $20, and dump her off for the day.
So, does your spouse/significant get along with your mother? What is the dynamic like? For the record, I can honestly say my wife and mom had a great relationship.

Everybody here had a great relationship with your mom, OP.

 

[runkpanole]

The wife got along great with my mom. Well enough that she did a reading at her mass last week.

 

[Gimmered]

They get alone great at this point.




Mom died a year and a half ago.

 

[ICWestfan]

I read this as your mom likes your wife more than you do and it threw me for a second.

Same.

 

[srams21]

She's a firm believer in giving 110% on what your currently doing. No shortcuts.

That's my kinda girl!

 

[lucas80]

The Frau likes her a lot...but anything more than a 2 or 3 day visit things can get dicey.

I'm 56 years old but my Mom still babies me...which irritates the F out of the Frau.

I think there is something to this. I think wives get irritable that the MIL rolls into town and wants to be a mommy still. And, us sons don't mind being babied a little.
Two of the women I spoke to have MILs who are sinking into dementia, and I offered up some advice to them about how we dealt with it, and that they need to be wary of the emotional toll it's going to produce on their husbands. The son / mom relationship is pretty strong. Although, to be fair, I have said many times that I'm just the guy my wife has had kids with, and shares a mortgage with. Her mom knows everything about everything, and is just the best...

 

[kcnole63]

"Tolerates" is the word that comes to mind.

Same here, but I would add "barely" to that. I don't blame my wife at all, because most people feel that way (I tolerate her a bit more because she is my mother). My wife also didn't have a good relationship with her mother (for good reason). Fortunately for me, my wife's parents divorced shortly after we married so we rarely saw her. My FIL was fun to be around.

 

[3boysmom]

My husband likes my mom. She has always been very helpful with just about anything we need. I get along with his mom fine. She irritates me because she has favorites and it is obvious. She is showing some pretty significant signs of dementia and I don't really anticipate we will have her in a meaningful way for a lot longer. She was never the lovey dovey person with her kids or grandkids but is now fascinated with the great grandbabies. Almost in a childlike way. So I've really softened on her because I know this is going to be very difficult for my husband. His dad will never make it without her.

 

[Hoosierhawkeye]

I think there is something to this. I think wives get irritable that the MIL rolls into town and wants to be a mommy still. And, us sons don't mind being babied a little.
Two of the women I spoke to have MILs who are sinking into dementia, and I offered up some advice to them about how we dealt with it, and that they need to be wary of the emotional toll it's going to produce on their husbands. The son / mom relationship is pretty strong. Although, to be fair, I have said many times that I'm just the guy my wife has had kids with, and shares a mortgage with. Her mom knows everything about everything, and is just the best...

Meh my mom doesn't baby me, she isn't healthy enough to do so. But while she is getting better my mom always had a passive aggressive streak, so my wife, knowing this is quick to take offense.

Like if my mom says that her kids never did a certain behavior that one of our kids engages in, my wife believes it's an attempt to subtly criticize her parenting. Given my mom's history, I can't argue it isn't.

My mom also likes to talk about other people behind their back which of course we know means that she is almost certainly talking about my wife behind her back.

Her mom is actually the one that tries to baby us both. Generally I like her parents but they live in FL and we in Indiana so I only usually have to deal with them for a week or 2 a year. So the aspects of their personality that annoy me don't have time to wear me down.

 

[tarheelbybirth]

My no-pic wife loved my mom but then so did everyone who ever met her. My wife loves her mom but doesn't like her a lot of the time. I loved my wife's dad.

 

[SSG T]

My wife likes/loves my mom way more than her own mom. Her mom is pretty s***ty to her.

 

[Tenacious E]

My wife can tolerate my mom in small doses.

Honestly the people not liking their MIL seems pretty typical of both sexes, it's pretty much trope.

My question is more of why it isn't a trope with the FIL.

Pretty much the same here. I like my MIL and I feel bad now about the thing that drove me nuts over the years. I have a pretty dry/sarcastic sense of humor and she would frequently respond to me like I was being serious, which was offensive that she thought I was being serious. Turns out it was probably early stages of memory loss/dementia, but I didn’t realize it because she was so damn competent in everything she ever attempted. She’s doing okay but her memory is getting worse and now I try not to say anything that she could take literally and find shocking/offensive.

I always liked and still like my FIL.

 

[Nole-4-Life]

My mom and bride loved each other bigtime. Until my mom got dementia and had to move in with us. My wife still loved her, but my mom thought I was her husband and my wife was a bitch and a whore who needed to get out of her house.

It was a rough couple of years.