Sobriety-ish

[jellyfish10]

I know many of you have posted about your struggles/triumphs with addiction. My substance abuse/eating disorder is something I have struggled with for about 30 years. I’ve never really admitted it but is definitely something I am cognizant about. Alcohol, then flower, then edibles, then vodka and of course not eating. Last night was the first night I have gone to bed “sober” in years.

It hasn’t mattered whether I had an event going or nothing going on at all, it’s long revolved around alcohol and drugs. There really isn’t a point to this thread, maybe it’s just cathartic, but realizing I have an issue and be willing to do something about it is a positive step, starting with limiting my alcohol consumption. I’m not going cold turkey, but the amount of alcohol and drugs I was consuming every day has been out of control for years. It’s something I am actually very excited about.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

 

[RagnarLothbrok]

I know many of you have posted about your struggles/triumphs with addiction. My substance abuse/eating disorder is something I have struggled with for about 30 years. I’ve never really admitted it but is definitely something I am cognizant about. Alcohol, then flower, then edibles, then vodka and of course not eating. Last night was the first night I have gone to bed “sober” in years.

It hasn’t mattered whether I had an event going or nothing going on at all, it’s long revolved around alcohol and drugs. There really isn’t a point to this thread, maybe it’s just cathartic, but realizing I have an issue and be willing to do something about it is a positive step, starting with limiting my alcohol consumption. I’m not going cold turkey, but the amount of alcohol and drugs I was consuming every day has been out of control for years. It’s something I am actually very excited about.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Good luck on your journey, OP.

 

[FAUlty Gator]

I hope you kick the shit out of your addictions and troubles. One day at a time, my friend. Took me a while to realized I didn't have to blackout to enjoy myself. You'll get there.

 

[Whiskeydeltadeltatango]

Best of luck Jelly, you are making a decision to live a longer better life.

 

[McLovin32]

Good post, OP. The hardest part will likely be getting out or the routine/habit that you're used to (assuming there's not an actual physical addiction). The hardest part for me when I've done the "dry" months is cooking/grilling without booze. Booze and cooking have always gone hand in hand for me. Once you realize you don't need something in order to do something, it gets a bit easier.

You've got my info IRL. Reach out if you ever need to, man.

 

[praguehawk]

Good luck. You may find moderation works. If so, that’s wonderful. If not there is also a chance for an awesome life without. Means you don’t fight to keep it under control. You are only responsible for not picking up the first drink.

 

[jellyfish10]

I hope you kick the shit out of your addictions and troubles. One day at a time, my friend. Took me a while to realized I didn't have to blackout to enjoy myself. You'll get there.

Thanks YS. I started Saturday with being more introspective about it. I had a party about an hour and 20 minutes away. In the past I would have drank the entire way there, got high as shit while there, and drank as much as possible while there, likely not remembering half of the night. Instead I had 3 beers in four hours then water, and two drinks at another bar. Normally it would have a minimum of 15 drinks as well as anything else I could get my hands on. I know it’s a small step, but at least it’s a step.

 

[ZumaHawk]

Hoping your recovery goes well! Be stubborn and win your battles!!

 

[jellyfish10]

Good post, OP. The hardest part will likely be getting out or the routine/habit that you're used to (assuming there's not an actual physical addiction). The hardest part for me when I've done the "dry" months is cooking/grilling without booze. Booze and cooking have always gone hand in hand for me. Once you realize you don't need something in order to do something, it gets a bit easier.

You've got my info IRL. Reach out if you ever need to, man.

Thanks my brother. For so long everything paired well with booze. Bad day? Check. Good day? Celebrate! All the things always centered around alcohol. Alcoholism runs in my family. In reality it should have been addressed years ago.

 

[FAUlty Gator]

Thanks YS. I started Saturday with being more introspective about it. I had a party about an hour and 20 minutes away. In the past I would have drank the entire way there, got high as shit while there, and drank as much as possible while there, likely not remembering half of the night. Instead I had 3 beers in four hours then water, and two drinks at another bar. Normally it would have a minimum of 15 drinks as well as anything else I could get my hands on. I know it’s a small step, but at least it’s a step.

Baby steps. Each day you achieve something fun without the need for it is a day you are convincing yourself you don't need it. Having a kidney removed due to cancer made me get there a lot quicker than I normally would have.

At some point you're going to say to yourself, "You know what, I've done enough of that shit for a lifetime. I'm lucky I survived it. Now it's time to start living my life." I hope you get there sooner than later.

 

[jellyfish10]

Baby steps. Each day you achieve something fun without the need for it is a day you are convincing yourself you don't need it. Having a kidney removed due to cancer made me get there a lot quicker than I normally would have.

At some point you're going to say to yourself, "You know what, I've done enough of that shit for a lifetime. I'm lucky I survived it. Now it's time to start living my life." I hope you get there sooner than later.

Appreciate it. I’m not convinced that I need to 86 all of the things, but I damn sure know I don’t need 15 beers everyday. I’m 5’8 135# with an eating disorder. The fact that I made it this long is a miracle.

 

[FAUlty Gator]

Appreciate it. I’m not convinced that I need to 86 all of the things, but I damn sure know I don’t need 15 beers everyday. I’m 5’8 135# with an eating disorder. The fact that I made it this long is a miracle.

True. Set a few ground rules. shit like...No Mondays-Wednesdays. Only drink socially. yada yada...
You got this.

 

[Scott559]

Good luck Jelly, My Dad was a full blown alcoholic and it left many not so found memories. Perhaps because of that I have never been into drinking much, That said especially in my younger days I did my fair share of drugs, Mostly weed, Acid and shrooms. I pretty much left that life style behind when I got married and had kids. Also with full disclosure I still enjoy edibles from time to time, It’s not a regular daily, Weekly deal just an occasional thing I still enjoy.

 

[jellyfish10]

Good luck Jelly, My Dad was a full blown alcoholic and it left many not so found memories. Perhaps because of that I have never been into drinking much, That said especially in my younger days I did my fair share of drugs, Mostly weed, Acid and shrooms. I pretty much left that life style behind when I got married and had kids. Also with full disclosure I still enjoy edibles from time to time, It’s not a regular daily, Weekly deal just an occasional thing I still enjoy.

Thanks man. I don’t have an issue with weed/edibles. I do both every day and have for years, but never at work. Time and place.

Take yesterday for example. Most sundays would consist of a minimum or 6-8 beers at our shop. I had an invite to a local watering hole which would have meant a minimum of two IPAs. Then it would be going to the store to get more beer. Drink until I was sick of that, then 2 vodka drinks consisting of 75% vodka and a splash of soda, then flower and edibles and maybe eat something if I remembered to. Instead, and I’m sure this is still too much, I had two beers and two drinks. Far from perfect but at least a step.

 

[4ohs]

I know many of you have posted about your struggles/triumphs with addiction. My substance abuse/eating disorder is something I have struggled with for about 30 years. I’ve never really admitted it but is definitely something I am cognizant about. Alcohol, then flower, then edibles, then vodka and of course not eating. Last night was the first night I have gone to bed “sober” in years.

It hasn’t mattered whether I had an event going or nothing going on at all, it’s long revolved around alcohol and drugs. There really isn’t a point to this thread, maybe it’s just cathartic, but realizing I have an issue and be willing to do something about it is a positive step, starting with limiting my alcohol consumption. I’m not going cold turkey, but the amount of alcohol and drugs I was consuming every day has been out of control for years. It’s something I am actually very excited about.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Just saying man. As an alcoholic/ addict myself. I mean that in the way that I drink myself to sleep every night hoping to not wake up.

You’re not alone. I don’t know what my fix is. If there really even is a fix.

But you’re still here. That’s something.

 

[jellyfish10]

Just saying man. As an alcoholic/ addict myself. I mean that in the way that I drink myself to sleep every night hoping to not wake up.

You’re not alone. I don’t know what my fix is. If there really even is a fix.

But you’re still here. That’s something.

That’s where I’m at. My drinking intensified during and post relationship, also not caring if I woke up or not. Thankfully I had a friend remove all the pills from my house awhile back, otherwise a week ago Saturday would have been it for me. I wish you the best my brother.

 

[4ohs]

That’s where I’m at. My drinking intensified during and post relationship, also not caring if I woke up or not. Thankfully I had a friend remove all the pills from my house awhile back, otherwise a week ago Saturday would have been it for me. I wish you the best my brother.

Yeah I’ve went to sleep with my 12 gauge pointed at my head more times than I can count.

Somehow it hasn’t happened yet. I guess I want to live.

If you need to talk to someone. Hit me up. I’m not stable atm. But I’m still alive.

 

[jellyfish10]

Yeah I’ve went to sleep with my 12 gauge pointed at my head more times than I can count.

Somehow it hasn’t happened yet. I guess I want to live.

If you need to talk to someone. Hit me up. I’m not stable atm. But I’m still alive.

Same to you. I’ve done the same with a pistol but thankfully that is long since gone. People that have never experienced those thoughts usually assume that person is selfish, that removing one’s self from the earth is about them, not caring about anyone but themselves. In my experience, it is the complete opposite. I just never wanted anyone to have to deal with my depression anymore. Maybe this will be a step in the right direction in dealing with those feelings.

 

[ICWestfan]

Well, if you need to get rid of those extra 'shrooms you won't be taking.....

On a serious note, you said last night was your first night "sober" going to bed, yet you had 4-6 drinks prior? Be careful if you are concerned about the amount of alcohol you are drinking. Alcohol isn't like cigs/weed/edi's in that withdrawal is a serious health concern. I don't mean withdrawal in the sense of I need a drink, but cutting it out cold turkey can have serious health consequences.

I'd reach out to your PC to talk this through. Also, best of luck.

 

[Fan In Black]

need to take care of yourself buddy. I also feel the need to slow down. The whole stopping in for a "couple" is long gone. It never is a couple. Need to hit the brakes on the whole thing way more than I do.

 

[4ohs]

Same to you. I’ve done the same with a pistol but thankfully that is long since gone. People that have never experienced those thoughts usually assume that person is selfish, that removing one’s self from the earth is about them, not caring about anyone but themselves. In my experience, it is the complete opposite. I just never wanted anyone to have to deal with my depression anymore. Maybe this will be a step in the right direction in dealing with those feelings.

To be honest. In regards to my mom. My son.

It does feel selfish. Cowardly. Honestly. I hate this existence. In my 40+ years I’ve found a few moments of happiness. But right now. I’m currently trying to drink myself to death.

And I am not sure why. Alcoholism is a disease. My brain wants to kill me. Smart as I am, it’s confounding me.

 

[jellyfish10]

need to take care of yourself buddy. I also feel the need to slow down. The whole stopping in for a "couple" is long gone. It never is a couple. Need to hit the brakes on the whole thing way more than I do.

Drinking “out” is rarely a problem. I’m quiet and introverted when I am out. So yes I limit myself if I am in public. However, most people wouldn’t know that I had several drinks before I went out and several more when I got home. I’m mostly a closet drinker.

 

[jellyfish10]

To be honest. In regards to my mom. My son.

It does feel selfish. Cowardly. Honestly. I hate this existence. In my 40+ years I’ve found a few moments of happiness. But right now. I’m currently trying to drink myself to death.

And I am not sure why. Alcoholism is a disease. My brain wants to kill me. Smart as I am, it’s confounding me.

Well if there is anything the positive side of this community can do please reach out.

 

[bunsen82]

I know many of you have posted about your struggles/triumphs with addiction. My substance abuse/eating disorder is something I have struggled with for about 30 years. I’ve never really admitted it but is definitely something I am cognizant about. Alcohol, then flower, then edibles, then vodka and of course not eating. Last night was the first night I have gone to bed “sober” in years.

It hasn’t mattered whether I had an event going or nothing going on at all, it’s long revolved around alcohol and drugs. There really isn’t a point to this thread, maybe it’s just cathartic, but realizing I have an issue and be willing to do something about it is a positive step, starting with limiting my alcohol consumption. I’m not going cold turkey, but the amount of alcohol and drugs I was consuming every day has been out of control for years. It’s something I am actually very excited about.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

The struggle is real.

I have been lucky enough to not become addicted to alcohol or drugs, but food is my vice. Whether stressed or not can put food away, especially at night. Eating healthy is such a pain, eat a yogurt or sausage mcmuffin (I know which one my body craves). Keep up the battle, 1st issue is admitting. Second is coming up with a plan, 3rd is sticking to it.

 

[gojojo]

How’d ya sleep last night?

 

[4ohs]

Drinking “out” is rarely a problem. I’m quiet and introverted when I am out. So yes I limit myself if I am in public. However, most people wouldn’t know that I had several drinks before I went out and several more when I got home. I’m mostly a closet drinker.

Rum and coke for me. It’s seems to be the cheapest.

My mom is a 25 year token of AA. Tells me all the time exactly what my problems are.

I can’t help it. And wonder what will it take to stop it. Lots of folks try and invoke their presumed knowledge.

I think I’m going to have to have a heart attack. Or worse. To stop it. But even then I’m not sure.

 

[McLovin32]

To be honest. In regards to my mom. My son.

It does feel selfish. Cowardly. Honestly. I hate this existence. In my 40+ years I’ve found a few moments of happiness. But right now. I’m currently trying to drink myself to death.

And I am not sure why. Alcoholism is a disease. My brain wants to kill me. Smart as I am, it’s confounding me.

Have you gone and talked to someone about how you feel? Like a professional, not a friend or family member. This question goes for Jelly too.

Reading about how you guys feel on a regular basis brings back some memories for myself. Some years back I was pretty open on here about my story from back in my younger college days. The things you guys are describing are hitting home. I also was drinking and smoking myself to sleep every night, hoping I wouldn't wake up. Regularly drinking an entire 750ml bottle in a night. I hit a point where I spent damn near all the money I had on a bunch of oxy and I was going to head out to a campground and end things. Fortunately I made it through that difficult night, and never made that trip otherwise I wouldn't be here.

Things can, and do get better. I won't sit here and tell ya that it's all rainbows and unicorns, it can certainly be a brutal road. But it is worth it in the long run, I can assure you.

 

[4ohs]

How’d ya sleep last night?

I blacked out. Slept for 7 hours. Woke up from dreaming about past traumas.

 

[jellyfish10]

How’d ya sleep last night?

Last night was the first night with no edibles or flower, so to answer, I didn’t. I tossed and turned and tried to keep my mind away from darkness. I told myself, self, this is what you get for being an addict for so long.

 

[jellyfish10]

Have you gone and talked to someone about how you feel? Like a professional, not a friend or family member. This question goes for Jelly too.

Reading about how you guys feel on a regular basis brings back some memories for myself. Some years back I was pretty open on here about my story from back in my younger college days. The things you guys are describing are hitting home. I also was drinking and smoking myself to sleep every night, hoping I wouldn't wake up. Regularly drinking an entire 750ml bottle in a night. I hit a point where I spent damn near all the money I had on a bunch of oxy and I was going to head out to a campground and end things. Fortunately I made it through that difficult night, and never made that trip otherwise I wouldn't be here.

Things can, and do get better. I won't sit here and tell ya that it's all rainbows and unicorns, it can certainly be a brutal road. But it is worth it in the long run, I can assure you.

I haven’t talked to a professional about such things. However, I’ve known I needed to for years.

 

[CubanB]

Damn Jelly, I didn’t realize you struggled so much with mental health, sorry to hear that! I’ve been trying to quit drinking forever now, but I just can’t get over the hump. I’ve gone a couple days without but that’s about as long as I can go. My wife and I were having some serious issues last spring and I started drinking whiskey on the daily till I passed out. The last couple weeks I’ve stopped drinking whiskey but still have a few glasses of wine every night. I know I shouldn’t drink every day but man it’s hard to quit. I also used to smoke weed 24/7 but am down to one weed drink in the evenings. It’s all about will power man, you got this, and fvck it, I’m going to try with you. I’m going to start by not drinking during the week and see how that goes.

 

[4ohs]

Have you gone and talked to someone about how you feel? Like a professional, not a friend or family member. This question goes for Jelly too.

Reading about how you guys feel on a regular basis brings back some memories for myself. Some years back I was pretty open on here about my story from back in my younger college days. The things you guys are describing are hitting home. I also was drinking and smoking myself to sleep every night, hoping I wouldn't wake up. Regularly drinking an entire 750ml bottle in a night. I hit a point where I spent damn near all the money I had on a bunch of oxy and I was going to head out to a campground and end things. Fortunately I made it through that difficult night, and never made that trip otherwise I wouldn't be here.

Things can, and do get better. I won't sit here and tell ya that it's all rainbows and unicorns, it can certainly be a brutal road. But it is worth it in the long run, I can assure you.

4 therapist over the last 20 years. Admitted myself to the county hospital. And I gotta say. New Jersey hospitality is far and above any state I’ve been in.

Spent two weeks in the psych ward. Next three months in involuntary care.

I’ve seen 4 different therapists in two different states.

I know the problem is me. But if saw my apartment atm. You’d understand that nothing is working.

 

[jellyfish10]

Have you gone and talked to someone about how you feel? Like a professional, not a friend or family member. This question goes for Jelly too.

Reading about how you guys feel on a regular basis brings back some memories for myself. Some years back I was pretty open on here about my story from back in my younger college days. The things you guys are describing are hitting home. I also was drinking and smoking myself to sleep every night, hoping I wouldn't wake up. Regularly drinking an entire 750ml bottle in a night. I hit a point where I spent damn near all the money I had on a bunch of oxy and I was going to head out to a campground and end things. Fortunately I made it through that difficult night, and never made that trip otherwise I wouldn't be here.

Things can, and do get better. I won't sit here and tell ya that it's all rainbows and unicorns, it can certainly be a brutal road. But it is worth it in the long run, I can assure you.

I’m happy you made it through.

You know the money thing is another component. Unlike most of the rest of the board, I’m a poor. I will check my online bank statement and realize the ridiculous amount of money I spend on alcohol. It’s fvcking stupid.

 

[McLovin32]

I haven’t talked to a professional about such things. However, I’ve known I needed to for years.

It might be a wise move, man. It didn't completely fix me or anything like that but it certainly helped get me moving in a direction that I otherwise wouldn't have been moving in if I had just kept things to myself.

 

[gojojo]

Last night was the first night with no edibles or flower, so to answer, I didn’t. I tossed and turned and tried to keep my mind away from darkness. I told myself, self, this is what you get for being an addict for so long.

That can take two weeks.

Melatonin, CBD and lots of reading or a good movie you’ve seen many times.

If you can make it through two weeks you’re in pretty good shape.

After just a week you’ll feel much better. You’ll have more energy, more alert, but cravings for other things really amp up…sugar, seggs.

Good luck, I’ve struggled for quite some time with the drink. The first step is the hardest

 

[jellyfish10]

That can take two weeks.

Melatonin, CBD and lots of reading or a good movie you’ve seen many times.

If you can make it through two weeks you’re in pretty good shape.

After just a week you’ll feel much better. You’ll have more energy, more alert, but cravings for other things really amp up…sugar, seggs.

Good luck, I’ve struggled for quite some time with the drink. The first step is the hardest

I think cutting back significantly is the first step for me. Cutting back to me is probably different to me than most, but in my world, it’s a start.

 

[4ohs]

It might be a wise move, man. It didn't completely fix me or anything like that but it certainly helped get me moving in a direction that I otherwise wouldn't have been moving in if I had just kept things to myself.

You do that in Iowa. You might be sent to the MHI. Which not a place I’d want anyone sent to.

 

[BrianNole777]

Good luck, Jelly.

I'll say a rosary for your success.

 

[4ohs]

That can take two weeks.

Melatonin, CBD and lots of reading or a good movie you’ve seen many times.

If you can make it through two weeks you’re in pretty good shape.

After just a week you’ll feel much better. You’ll have more energy, more alert, but cravings for other things really amp up…sugar, seggs.

Good luck, I’ve struggled for quite some time with the drink. The first step is the hardest

After my brother killed himself. I swore to myself I wouldn’t. Then 2 years later I couldn’t help it.

 

[jellyfish10]

Damn Jelly, I didn’t realize you struggled so much with mental health, sorry to hear that! I’ve been trying to quit drinking forever now, but I just can’t get over the hump. I’ve gone a couple days without but that’s about as long as I can go. My wife and I were having some serious issues last spring and I started drinking whiskey on the daily till I passed out. The last couple weeks I’ve stopped drinking whiskey but still have a few glasses of wine every night. I know I shouldn’t drink every day but man it’s hard to quit. I also used to smoke weed 24/7 but am down to one weed drink in the evenings. It’s all about will power man, you got this, and fvck it, I’m going to try with you. I’m going to start by not drinking during the week and see how that goes.

Yeah well most of us don’t advertise it, at least at my age. I never knew if my addictions were because of my brain or my addictions were controlling my brain. Same with eating. Post divorce I wouldn’t eat for days, weighed about 125’#, worked out constantly, and got fvcked up every single night. My family somehow managed to keep me alive.