Read through this entire thread and **** me do I empathize with you guys. I was a full blown alcoholic (depending on your viewpoint, I still am) for about 15 years. California sober since June 10 of 2024, so not quite a year but I don't see any reason why I won't make it that long. It's not necessarily a goal of mine, but it'd be a cool milestone to hit so I just use it as any motivation I can.
I don't really know what to say because it's not really something I've talked with anyone in any depth on, to be honest. I think for me is that I hid it very well from people, so while some people I'm close to know it was pretty bad, I don't necessarily need for them know the depths of it. For that reason I'm taking a look at some therapists to talk through some stuff with, because as much as I ****ing hate it, it's needed.
Just for context, and not some "addiction one up thing" at my worst over the last 15 years I would be at a .750ml (whatever I was in the mood for) in the afternoons after I got off work, stay sober all day, rinse and repeat until the weekend. Weekend was typically a 1.75 and a bunch of random shit I was in the mood for. Alcohol addiction has always been cyclical for me though. Over that timespan I would take breaks, but over time, the length of those breaks would become shorter. Up until June of last year when that break hadn't come for a very long time and I'm pretty sure if I hadn't made the decision when I did, I would not be typing this. The peaks and valleys were getting too steep to climb.
Advice with this stuff can be weird because there are so many different paths to addiction I don't think there's like... "a way to quit." There are likely a variety of methods that work for different people, so once the decision is made, then you need to find something that works for you. But making the decision is the most important part to me. Like, whether you wean yourself down over a period of time or quit after you read this, either way, you have to make that decision to quit. I was a master at finding any possible reason to drink though, so I can't really exist in a "just a few" or "wine with dinner" mindset. Just a few drinks on the weekend turns into waking up on the bathroom floor over the course of a month or so. So if you're anything like me, sorry, you just gotta quit man. I know you're going to have to watch the Hawkeyes play football sober, it ****ing sucks, but you can do it.
I don't know if any of the above was coherent, I'm still trying to work this shit out myself. But just know that when you do make that decision, and I'm confident you will, that it's going to be the best decision you have ever made in your life. I don't often speak definitively, but I can definitively say that. You will never regret that decision, it's 100% foolproof to improve your life. That doesn't mean it's an easy decision, just know it's the right one whenever you decide to make it. I'm not going to lie, it's really ****ing hard. Depending on how deep in you are, you might need to do it medically. But I think it's important to be honest with yourself going into it so you don't give yourself an easy way out. If you accept that it's going to be brutal going into it, you can be mentally prepared for it. But ultimately, all of you struggling can do it. If my dysfunctional ass can do it and feel positive about life for the first time in forever, trust me, you guys can do it once you find a way that works for you.
I wish you all the best in this, you're not alone and you can overcome it.
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