Confession: I got myself into some deep shit a couple weeks ago.

[millah_22]

First off, let me preface this by saying I am not a heavy drinker. I used to have some problems, but I haven't had a drink in a while. A couple weeks ago, my son was being a little shit, we got into some words, and I decided to self indulge with a 12-pack of beer if know what I mean. I drank more than I really ever have.

Long story short, I got pretty worked up. My wife tried to calm me down, but I wasn't having it. I pushed her out of the way and I went for my skid. I was going to teach my son a little lesson in respect. I stumbled up to the skid, fumbled with my keys, said, "Siri, play me some Van Halen" It must not have heard me correctly because it started playing Van Hagar.

Here's where things really got out of control. I got that skid under my sons car and I pushed that thing sideways. I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I was shirtless at the station and I told them "There is no f*cking way you're going to get me to recite my ABC's backwards and touching my finger to my nose down to my d*ck." I could barely even stand.

Well apparently my neighbor was the one that called my cops. He's been moving in on my wife like Phil Hartmann (RIP) in Jingle All the Way. I blew a .155 and now I have to go to court.

Anyway, AITA?

 

[The Tradition]

I thought only "Florida Man" did this sort of stuff....

 

[SWIowahawks]

I’d go off the deep end if my name was Chard too.

 

[millah_22]

I’d go off the deep end if my name was Chard too.

Not to be political, but I am the only democrat in my community and my friends call me Lib-Chard

 

[TJ8869]

I hope you didn’t submit to a field sobriety test. That would have been a bad idea.

 

[millah_22]

I hope you didn’t submit to a field sobriety test. That would have been a bad idea.

I fought it for a couple hours but they got a warrant for a breath test.

 

[ConvenientParking]

That sounds like a good time. Damn. Now I'm having doubts about making 2 years dry.

 

[Fan In Black]

this sounds like what the news said some other dude did.

 

[HawkRugged17]

 

[OutbackBowl2017]

First off, let me preface this by saying I am not a heavy drinker. I used to have some problems, but I haven't had a drink in a while. A couple weeks ago, my son was being a little shit, we got into some words, and I decided to self indulge with a 12-pack of beer if know what I mean. I drank more than I really ever have.

Long story short, I got pretty worked up. My wife tried to calm me down, but I wasn't having it. I pushed her out of the way and I went for my skid. I was going to teach my son a little lesson in respect. I stumbled up to the skid, fumbled with my keys, said, "Siri, play me some Van Halen" It must not have heard me correctly because it started playing Van Hagar.

Here's where things really got out of control. I got that skid under my sons car and I pushed that thing sideways. I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I was shirtless at the station and I told them "There is no f*cking way you're going to get me to recite my ABC's backwards and touching my finger to my nose down to my d*ck." I could barely even stand.

Well apparently my neighbor was the one that called my cops. He's been moving in on my wife like Phil Hartmann (RIP) in Jingle All the Way. I blew a .155 and now I have to go to court.

Anyway, AITA?

By any chance have you ever been to New Orleans?

 

[fsu1jreed]

I can't say I've ever done anything close to that on just beer

 

[The Tradition]

I can't say I've ever done anything close to that on just beer

Have you done something like that on something else? Crack perhaps?

 

[Derekd3408]

You bought a 12 pack and drank more than you really ever have out of that? I remember my first beer.

 

[fsu1jreed]

Have you done something like that on something else? Crack perhaps?

Extasy and many shots during Marti Gras on P'cola beach...my wheelchair kept me from having a record

 

[ConvenientParking]

Extasy and many shots during Marti Gras on P'cola beach...my wheelchair kept me from having a record

That is not a mix that has gone well for me historically. Go straight to spins, do not pass Go, do not find the cab line for an hour or so.

 

[2bagger22]

 

[win4jj]

Sounds made up.

 

[fredjr82]

OP doesn't have kids that are driving age and could never drive a skid loader. I do assume he'd blackout after less than a 12 pack.

 

[Whatsgoingonwitgyouguys0190]

OP doesn't have kids that are driving age and could never drive a skid loader. I do assume he'd blackout after less than a 12 pack.

I’m not proud but I put down a .750 of Tito’s between 6 and midnight last night. Already up to go watch my brothers run a 5k for charity and will be drinking more Tito’s by 9, watching the masters and peeping in on spring games

 

[fredjr82]

I’m not proud but I put down a .750 of Tito’s between 6 and midnight last night. Already up to go watch my brothers run a 5k for charity and will be drinking more Tito’s by 9, watching the masters and peeping in on spring games

That sounds horrible. That's a lot in 6 hours time. Shit you might as well keep plugging away before the hangover sets in. I'm probably considered a pretty seasoned drinker, but I don’t think I've ever put a whole bottle down in a day let alone a few hours. Godspeed sir! 🍻

 

[OrlandNole]

this sounds like what the news said some other dude did.

Wow, what are the odds?

 

[ferentzin04]

You have to pace yourself with those Michelob Ultras. They’ll sneak up on you.

Lesson learned I hope.

 

[NoleATL]

I’m not proud but I put down a .750 of Tito’s between 6 and midnight last night. Already up to go watch my brothers run a 5k for charity and will be drinking more Tito’s by 9, watching the masters and peeping in on spring games

I hope someone is driving you

 

[NoleATL]

Okay, what is a skid?

 

[NoleATL]

I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I was shirtless at the station

Shirtless booking pic?

 

[SoProudNole]

Okay, what is a skid?

And a loader?

 

[win4jj]

Okay, what is a skid?

Skid loader. Nobody calls it just a skid though.

 

[red/green hawk]

I can relate to doing some bat shit crazy things. Like getting drunk off Pepsi.

 

[millah_22]

You bought a 12 pack and drank more than you really ever have out of that? I remember my first beer.

Please don’t judge me. This duck can’t hold his water.

 

[red/green hawk]

Okay, what is a skid?

Look in your shorts...

 

[torbee]

You skipped the part about smacking your wife around!

 

[millah_22]

You skipped the part about smacking your wife around!

Sorry, that was mentioned in paragraph 2, sentence 2 & 3. I guess since you were there, you were probably my narc neighbor, huh?

 

[cidhawkeye]

By any chance have you ever been to New Orleans?

I was there for a bachelor party one time….

 

[Moral]

Outside of Pokemon Go, OP leads a dark life.

 

[win4jj]

Please don’t judge me. This duck can’t hold his water.

How much do you want for the skid loader? You might need the cash for booze or legal fees and what not.

 

[millah_22]

How much do you want for the skid loader? You might need the cash for booze or legal fees and what not.

Prob sell it for bofa.

 

[Tenacious E]

I can't say I've ever done anything close to that on just beer

On the off chance anyone thinks he’s serious, this was a news story in iowa last week. OP did a nice job describing what probably actually went down.

 

[pjhawk]

Skid.....derp. Steamrollers are the choice for real men who drive drunk.

 

[win4jj]

Prob sell it for bofa.

Deal.

 

[millah_22]

Outside of Pokemon Go, OP leads a dark life.

This is true.