Confession: I got myself into some deep shit a couple weeks ago.

millah_22

HR Legend
Jun 15, 2004
31,680
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Omaha
First off, let me preface this by saying I am not a heavy drinker. I used to have some problems, but I haven't had a drink in a while. A couple weeks ago, my son was being a little shit, we got into some words, and I decided to self indulge with a 12-pack of beer if know what I mean. I drank more than I really ever have.

Long story short, I got pretty worked up. My wife tried to calm me down, but I wasn't having it. I pushed her out of the way and I went for my skid. I was going to teach my son a little lesson in respect. I stumbled up to the skid, fumbled with my keys, said, "Siri, play me some Van Halen" It must not have heard me correctly because it started playing Van Hagar.

Here's where things really got out of control. I got that skid under my sons car and I pushed that thing sideways. I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I was shirtless at the station and I told them "There is no f*cking way you're going to get me to recite my ABC's backwards and touching my finger to my nose down to my d*ck." I could barely even stand.

Well apparently my neighbor was the one that called my cops. He's been moving in on my wife like Phil Hartmann (RIP) in Jingle All the Way. I blew a .155 and now I have to go to court.

Anyway, AITA?
 

TJ8869

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Dec 7, 2006
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I hope you didn’t submit to a field sobriety test. That would have been a bad idea.
 

OutbackBowl2017

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Dec 4, 2016
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First off, let me preface this by saying I am not a heavy drinker. I used to have some problems, but I haven't had a drink in a while. A couple weeks ago, my son was being a little shit, we got into some words, and I decided to self indulge with a 12-pack of beer if know what I mean. I drank more than I really ever have.

Long story short, I got pretty worked up. My wife tried to calm me down, but I wasn't having it. I pushed her out of the way and I went for my skid. I was going to teach my son a little lesson in respect. I stumbled up to the skid, fumbled with my keys, said, "Siri, play me some Van Halen" It must not have heard me correctly because it started playing Van Hagar.

Here's where things really got out of control. I got that skid under my sons car and I pushed that thing sideways. I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I was shirtless at the station and I told them "There is no f*cking way you're going to get me to recite my ABC's backwards and touching my finger to my nose down to my d*ck." I could barely even stand.

Well apparently my neighbor was the one that called my cops. He's been moving in on my wife like Phil Hartmann (RIP) in Jingle All the Way. I blew a .155 and now I have to go to court.

Anyway, AITA?
By any chance have you ever been to New Orleans?
 

2bagger22

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Sep 9, 2008
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Cold One City, USA
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fredjr82

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Nov 13, 2007
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OP doesn't have kids that are driving age and could never drive a skid loader. I do assume he'd blackout after less than a 12 pack.
 
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Whatsgoingonwitgyouguys0190

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Oct 25, 2020
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OP doesn't have kids that are driving age and could never drive a skid loader. I do assume he'd blackout after less than a 12 pack.
I’m not proud but I put down a .750 of Tito’s between 6 and midnight last night. Already up to go watch my brothers run a 5k for charity and will be drinking more Tito’s by 9, watching the masters and peeping in on spring games
 

fredjr82

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Nov 13, 2007
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I’m not proud but I put down a .750 of Tito’s between 6 and midnight last night. Already up to go watch my brothers run a 5k for charity and will be drinking more Tito’s by 9, watching the masters and peeping in on spring games

That sounds horrible. That's a lot in 6 hours time. Shit you might as well keep plugging away before the hangover sets in. I'm probably considered a pretty seasoned drinker, but I don’t think I've ever put a whole bottle down in a day let alone a few hours. Godspeed sir! 🍻
 

NoleATL

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Jul 11, 2007
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I’m not proud but I put down a .750 of Tito’s between 6 and midnight last night. Already up to go watch my brothers run a 5k for charity and will be drinking more Tito’s by 9, watching the masters and peeping in on spring games
I hope someone is driving you