First off, let me preface this by saying I am not a heavy drinker. I used to have some problems, but I haven't had a drink in a while. A couple weeks ago, my son was being a little shit, we got into some words, and I decided to self indulge with a 12-pack of beer if know what I mean. I drank more than I really ever have.
Long story short, I got pretty worked up. My wife tried to calm me down, but I wasn't having it. I pushed her out of the way and I went for my skid. I was going to teach my son a little lesson in respect. I stumbled up to the skid, fumbled with my keys, said, "Siri, play me some Van Halen" It must not have heard me correctly because it started playing Van Hagar.
Here's where things really got out of control. I got that skid under my sons car and I pushed that thing sideways. I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I was shirtless at the station and I told them "There is no f*cking way you're going to get me to recite my ABC's backwards and touching my finger to my nose down to my d*ck." I could barely even stand.
Well apparently my neighbor was the one that called my cops. He's been moving in on my wife like Phil Hartmann (RIP) in Jingle All the Way. I blew a .155 and now I have to go to court.
Anyway, AITA?
Long story short, I got pretty worked up. My wife tried to calm me down, but I wasn't having it. I pushed her out of the way and I went for my skid. I was going to teach my son a little lesson in respect. I stumbled up to the skid, fumbled with my keys, said, "Siri, play me some Van Halen" It must not have heard me correctly because it started playing Van Hagar.
Here's where things really got out of control. I got that skid under my sons car and I pushed that thing sideways. I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I was shirtless at the station and I told them "There is no f*cking way you're going to get me to recite my ABC's backwards and touching my finger to my nose down to my d*ck." I could barely even stand.
Well apparently my neighbor was the one that called my cops. He's been moving in on my wife like Phil Hartmann (RIP) in Jingle All the Way. I blew a .155 and now I have to go to court.
Anyway, AITA?